Sunday 27 March 2011

Inspirational Quotes I

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by
the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning how to dance in the rain."
- Vivian Greene


"Life's up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want."
- Marsha Sinetar

"Everything negative - pressure, challenges - is all an opportunity for me to rise."
- Kobe Bryant


"A challenge is an opportunity to prove your ability to yourself, and others."
- Joe Brown


"Don't let setbacks get you down. Studying successful people will show you that they did not attain their success without first overcoming challenges."
- Catherine Pulsifer


"If you compared your troubles, or challenges, with those of others, you would surely find that there are those whose troubles make yours look like minor inconveniences."
- Catherine Pulsifer


"We are all faced with challenges at some point in our life, challenges that we did not create. Challenges that happened beyond our control. The difference is how we respond to these challenges. You can adopt the attitude there is nothing you can do, or you can see the challenge as your call to action."
- Catherine Pulsifer


"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
- Alexander Graham Bell


"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present."
- Jan Glidewell


"If you accept what has happened and search for the positive, you will be able to move forward in your life."
- Catherine Pulsifer


"You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on."
- Oprah Winfrey


"Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means moving on. It is one of the hardest things a person can do... We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. It means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so."
- Unknown


"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
- Unknown


"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them."
- Denis Waitley


"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."
- Carol Burnett


"Everything you now do is something you have chosen to do. Some people don't want to believe that. But if you're over age twenty-one, your life is what you're making of it. To change your life, you need to change your priorities."
- John C. Maxwell


"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want."
- Ben Stein


"You will never change your life until you change something you do daily."
- Mike Murdock


"Sometimes the answer to prayer is not that it changes life, but that it changes you."
- James Dillet Freeman


"A man's life is what his thoughts make it."
- Marcus Aurelius


"I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter."
- Walt Disney


"Being positive or negative are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life."
- Remez Sasson
 


 
  

Love or Lust

Love is one of the misused words in our vocabulary. In effect its real meaning has become vague. Saying “I love you” and “I love pizza” seems to be same to many.


Could it be that we treat people as pizzas?


To love, real love or agape is to give oneself to the other for the sake of the other. To lust is to treat people like pizzas.  To lust is to use people for your own selfish desire for pleasure. What do you do when pizza satisfies your craving? It becomes a leftover. And sooner or later it gets thrown away.

Many people feel that way. 
Thrown away.
Lust uses people for selfish reasons and desires. After the reasons or desires are met, the person is discarded. And sadly we live in a culture that promotes using each other, just look at the advertising industry.
Love, the real thing is on the opposite side of lust. Love wants what is the good of the other. It does not use the other to benefit oneself.  Love looks at the eyes of the beloved. Lust is trapped in his own ego, thinking how to use the other person.

Once I heard that as long as two people are in the agreement in using each other, it is alright. But it does not change the fact that you are being used and you are using another person. And people were not made to be used; we were made to be loved.

To live a life of lust is to live a life of emptiness.  Only real love can truly satisfy us.
Love and lust cannot exist with each other for the reason that love cannot wait to give while lust cannot wait to take.

Joy In the least places

We live in a consumerist world where more is merrier and big is better. We believe happiness is all about the glimmer and the glamour, the excitement and the thrills.

People seem to jump from one sensation to the next in search of joy. From shopping to clubbing, parties and vacations, we seem to never get enough of them. (By the way it is amazing that people who take vacation these days need another vacation to recover from their so called vacation.)

But are we happy with what we have? Have our activities brought us joy or just plain fatigue?

The problem of looking joy in these things is, like getting drunk, the feelings are all gone the next day we wake up. And like a drunk, we start to go again in a spree. And the futile cycle goes on and on.

We all know that worldly things can never give us lasting happiness, but we all want to prove it ourselves.

And so we waste our time.

In the end, we waste our life.

So where can we find joy?

It starts with a “J” and ends in “us”.
Jesus.

Jesus is our joy, in this life and the next. But Jesus too is our guide in finding joy. His life is map to finding real and (ever) lasting happiness.

Together with the Resurrection, Christmas is the most joyful event in history. It is when Divine Joy became flesh and dwelt among us.

So how did Divine Joy entered our world?

He did not enter the world in wealth, power and privilege. He entered poorly and humbly. The shepherd and the wise men did not found joy in the castle of Herod, but in a cave out of nowhere. They did not saw Joy wrapped in gold but in swaddling clothes. Joy is found where you least expect it.

Real joy does not come from stuff-ing yourself, nor going from one high to the next. You could have traveled around the world and only have fatigue to show. Real joy is much simpler, much closer. It is close as your neighbor. Joy is found where you least expect it.

Joy is found in doing the simplest act of love. Joy is to feed a hungry child, to visit the old and abandoned or to comfort the sick. The most joyful people I know are those who have chosen to dedicate their lives to the forgotten and powerless. Their life did not revolved in satisfying themselves but bring joy to those they serve. And amidst all the poverty and suffering they deal with everyday, they have found joy. And it is a joy that the world cannot give. Joy is found where you least expect it.

Joy is found not when you “take em’ all” but when you “give em’ all”.  The more you grab joy for yourself, the more you lose it, the more you give it away, the more it comes to you.

So find joy in love and love with joy.

Friday 25 March 2011

10 Tips for Building a Strong Relationship


When you hear about couples who maintain a strong relationship through
all of life’s challenges, you may wonder how they do it. Some of these
couples have faced the same kinds of difficulties that can lead to break-ups
for other people, such as financial problems, trouble with in-laws, or
differences in interests or personalities. But somehow, these couples have
stayed together while others haven’t.

For a long time marriage counselors and others thought that couples had
the best chance of staying together if they had similar backgrounds and
interests. But recently, experts have developed a different view. Many
people now believe that common backgrounds and interests may be less
important than other factors, such as differences in values, how couples
handle disagreements, or how committed they are.

Every couple is different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for a good
relationship. But people who’ve stayed together for a long time tend to
have some of the same things in common. Here are ten tips based on the
conclusions experts have drawn from studying successful relationships:

1. Have a strong commitment to making your relationship work.

Many couples start out with a strong commitment to their relationship but,
after a while, begin to give it less attention. They may neglect each other while
focusing on their work, children, or a time-consuming hobby. In strong
relationships both people may have outside interests, but they continue to
make their commitment to each other a top priority.

Staying committed begins with accepting that having a good relationship takes
work. Problems can occur in any relationship, and both people have to make
compromises and adjustments. So it’s important to accept some difficulties or
“rough patches” as normal and inevitable. Instead of trying to pretend that
they don’t happen, make a commitment to solving your problems together.

2. Think of yourselves as friends, not just as a couple.

Couples who stay together see themselves as good friends. They share a
variety of activities, enjoy each other’s company, provide support in good times
and bad, and they don’t take each other for granted.

3. Accept each other’s limitations.

Nobody is perfect, and long-lasting couples accept this and learn to cherish
each other despite their flaws. One of the biggest challenges you may face as a
couple is learning to live with many different kinds of shortcomings. In the
early stages of a relationship, both of you may have to accept only small
limitations. (One of you is messy and the other is neat, or one of you always
wants to try new restaurants while the other would like to have a home-cooked
meal every night.) Over time, you may have to cope with larger
disappointments -- for example, that one of you has never achieved a big
career dream or earned as much money as you’d hoped. At every stage of your
relationship, it’s important for both of you to know that you’ll love and cherish
each other even if things don’t always work out as expected.

4. See yourselves as equal partners.

In successful relationships, two people may have very different roles, but they
see themselves as equal partners. They don’t regard one person’s views or
interests as more important than the others. Each person feels that he or she is
making a vital contribution to the relationship.

One of the best ways to foster this kind of equality is to ask for the other
person’s opinion frequently and show that you value it. Try to make joint
decisions on big issues -- deciding how to save for retirement or how to divide
up the household responsibilities -- and learn to find creative solutions or make
compromises when you can’t agree.

5. Pay attention to how you communicate.

More than two-thirds of the couples who seek counseling say that their
problems include poor communication. It’s vital to learn how to communicate
with your partner so that both of you are able to express your needs and
desires clearly. One study found that couples can stay close by spending as
little as twenty minutes a day simply talking to each other.
The quality of your conversation also matters.

Researchers have found that couples who stay together are much more likely to give each other praise,
support, or encouragement than those who break up. Many people in longlasting
relationships make a point of saying “I love you” every day. Others
continually show their affection in small ways. They may touch or hug
frequently, give each other back rubs, or tuck romantic notes into the other
person’s lunch bag or briefcase. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as
you and your partner show each other how much you care.

6. Develop a support system.

When they fall in love, many couples think they don’t need anybody but each
other. In the long run this usually turns out to be untrue. Maintaining a good
relationship is difficult enough that most couples who stay together need a lot
of support along the way. This may come from their friends or family. But it
can also come from groups or organizations that reflect their deepest values.
Some couples develop a support system naturally.

They have large and close families, or they’re naturally outgoing and make friends easily. If you haven’t
found a support system this way, you may be able to develop one by making an
extra effort to reach out to others. Sometimes you can find support by getting
involved in a community group such as a parents’ organization, a religious
organization, or an athletic team. It’s also helpful to take the first step to reach
out to others -- for example, by organizing a block party or inviting a coworker
who’s new to town to have dinner with you and your family.

7. Handle disagreements constructively.

Even in the strongest relationships, it isn’t usually possible -- or healthy -- to
try to avoid all disagreements. A desire to avoid conflict can lead couples to
ignore problems until they become too big to handle. A healthy argument can
help to clear the air and clarify different points of view.

Since it’s impossible to avoid all arguments, it is important to deal
constructively with your differences. This means avoiding personal attacks
during arguments or discussions, which can destroy your trust in each other or
chip away at your feelings of being loved and valued.

No matter how upset you feel, try to focus on the issues involved in a
disagreement, not on who’s “right” or “wrong.” If you’re unhappy that your
spouse doesn’t pay the bills on time, don’t accuse him or her of being lazy or
neglectful. Instead you might say, “I’m concerned about how late we’re paying
our bills. This could affect our ability to buy a house someday.” Or, “I’ve
noticed that we’ve had a lot of late charges on our bills. Do we need to work
out a better system for making sure these get paid on time?”

8. Make sure each of you has some privacy and independence.

In the early stages of a romance couples may want to do almost everything
together. But over time, most couples realize that each person needs room to
grow and develop, not just as part of a couple, but as an individual.

In practical terms, this means that each member of the couple needs time alone
or with friends away from the other. Allowing each other some independence
is a way of giving your relationship room to “breathe” and showing that you
respect another’s unique needs and interests.

9. Share rituals and traditions.

Almost every successful relationship involves some cherished rituals and
traditions that help to bind a couple together. Some couples share daily rituals,
such as eating dinner together or talking before bedtime, even if one person is
traveling and the conversation takes place by phone. Others enjoy weekly
rituals such as going to religious services or to a favorite restaurant every
Friday night. Still others have annual traditions such as holding a Fourth of
July barbecue or attending a special holiday concert.

These activities help couples to define their values and can become a kind of
emotional glue that holds them together. The specific rituals you choose aren’t
as important as whether yours have a meaning and importance for you and
your partner. You might want to adapt the favorite traditions of both of your
families, create some new ones, or use a combination of both.

10. Have fun.

No matter how hard they work, couples who stay together usually make time
for fun. Some set aside one night a week for a “date” with each other even if
you just go out for pizza or for a moonlit walk. What you do isn’t important,
what’s important is that you spend time together having fun.

In order to keep having fun as a couple, you’ll need to keep re-evaluating your
definition of “fun.” If you aren’t enjoying your life together as much as you
used to, you may want to take up a new interest or activity that the two of you
can share, such as a hobby, a sport, or a volunteer project. You don’t have to
have the same interests, but try to find at least one thing that you can enjoy
together.

Most strong relationships include at least some of the 10 characteristics listed
above. You and your partner can make building a strong relationship a priority
by working these tips and characteristics into your everyday lives.

Tuesday 15 March 2011

Steve Jobs's Inspiring Speech

Steve Jobs delivered this speech at Stanford University, i think this is a great way to start my post.

In his address, the CEO of Apple Computer and Pixar Animation Studios shared three life lessons, and they struck a powerful chord - not only with Stanford's graduating class but also with tech cognoscenti in Silicon Valley and beyond, who have posted his words on websites, discussed them on blogs, and passed them, email to email, around the globe. In case you missed it, we reprint Jobs' address here, with his permission, in its entirety.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots. I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.


It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:


Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was done in beautiful hand calligraphy. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.


None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.


Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me - I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.


I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.


About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.


This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept: No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.


When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.